I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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