I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
