Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
