I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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