good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
