My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
