if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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