I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
