She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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