he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
