Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize