You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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