she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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