it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
