I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
