oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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