i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize