hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
