So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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