so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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