He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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