Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
