i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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