Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize