I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
