I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
