Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
