Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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