my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
