Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
