Is it because I queefed?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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