forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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