got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
