you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need a burrito and a hug.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
