I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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