All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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