You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
