oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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