I think my vagina is haunted
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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