i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
