I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
