Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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