She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
