I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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