I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
