I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize