Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
