Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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