I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize