I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
