i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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