I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
