Pappa wants mamma naked
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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