Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
