got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
