franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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