omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
birth control should be required to get into college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize