Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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