I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
