Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
