Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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