dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
