I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
