He felt like a one man threesome
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
