WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
