Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
