yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
