cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
