Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
