I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I forget how to act sober
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
