see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
