Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need help removing her.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
