Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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