OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
