no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
