whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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