I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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