You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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