Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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