So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
