Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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