also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
