I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize