He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
