I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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