whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
