She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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