i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize