I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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