I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
