I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
