Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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