Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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