hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
