its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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