do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
