If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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