Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
