Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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