Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
