It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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